“Who Doesn’t Like a Clean Ass?”: Janelle James on Bidets, Diddy, and Teacher’s Pets

Janelle James knows a thing or two about the importance of laughter. “What a wonderful, free gift that we’ve been given as human beings,” says James, best known for playing the snarky and self-absorbed principal Ava Coleman on television’s most beloved comedy, Abbott Elementary. “People with no sense of humor, I feel so bad for them.” Although she’s already been nominated for three Emmy Awards for her work on the show, James continues to embody Principal Coleman with side-splitting (and side-eyed) commitment in season four, which will feature a two-episode crossover event with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. So, for this week’s installment of Rorschach Test, we had to ask James about Danny DeVito, plus Donald Trump, Ozempic, Diddy, and the City of Brotherly Love.

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AWARDS SHOWS

“No food, uncomfortable corsets, losing on camera. It’s fun to play a little dress up with your peers, but they’re not my favorite.”

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ERIC ADAMS

“Oh, get out of here. Criminal, comic book villain. That’s it.”

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LYING ON YOUR RESUME

“Why not? It’s hard out here. It’s their job to check, not your job to be truthful.”

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DIDDY

“Who would’ve thought? Well, everyone. He was a monster in plain sight.”

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OZEMPIC

“Apparently, everyone who isn’t on it is so concerned about diabetics all of a sudden. It just puts a spotlight on thin politics. And I always say, one of the main reasons I went out for this part in Abbott Elementary is ‘cause I won’t have to be a size zero. Let me audition for this one, ’cause I like eating.”

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BIDETS

“Who doesn’t like a clean ass or pussy? No downsides to the bidet. Everyone should have one. Stop walking around musty.”

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COMIC RELIEF

“How would we survive without laughter? What a wonderful, free gift that we’ve been given as human beings. People with no sense of humor, I feel so bad for them. It’s also a sneaky way to teach people lessons, and that’s what I like most about comedy.”

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DONALD TRUMP

“People say he’s funny. I stopped laughing a long time ago.”

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DIVORCE

“Sometimes, it’s needed. I’ll just say that.”

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DOUG EMHOFF

“Who cares? You’re not running for president. I just hope he treats her well.”

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PHILADELPHIA

“I’ve only been once, surprisingly to everybody who thinks that I’m from there. There seems to be a small town mentality. It’s not like Chicago, where there’s an inferiority complex with New York or whatever. Philly is like, this is us.”

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AUDITIONS

“I’m thankful that I haven’t had to do that in a long time.”

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JALEN HURTS

“He’s a pretty man. I don’t watch sports, so pretty is the only thing I’m certain of.”

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MOTHERHOOD

“A thankless job in a lot of ways. And in fact, a job that people forget.”

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PUBLIC SCHOOL

“What a great thing. It needs to be funded and it needs to be equitable across the board. Education shouldn’t be only for people with money. That seems like a no-brainer to me.”

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QUINTA BRUNSON

“Oh, that’s my girl. I talk too much about her. I’m so inspired by her. She’s truly amazing and a ridiculously endless energy source. Also, a tiny queen.”

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DANNY DEVITO

“Even shorter than Quinta, which I never thought was possible. He’s a short legend, a short king.”

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TEACHER’S PETS

“I’m guessing you’re not getting any love at home. Like, why are you kissing the teacher’s ass so hard? If you’re sucking up to the ops, I don’t trust you.”

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