Van Jones on Think Tanks, Sex Scandals, and Third-Party Candidates

Let’s face it: you wouldn’t want to grab a drink with most of the talking heads on cable news programs these days. But Van Jones, the 55-year-old author, lawyer, and analyst who can be seen on CNN most evenings dispensing cool-headed insights about the present political moment, is a different kind of breed. The handsome Tennessee native, who served as a special advisor in the Obama White House before joining CNN in 2013, has matured into one of the network’s standout commentators, bringing his quick wit, discerning analysis, and firm grasp of policy to a political climate that more often inspires provocation and dishonesty. With the election less than three months away, we called on Jones to take part in this week’s Rorschach Test so he could sound off on a mixed bag of subjects, from political mastermind Nancy Pelosi’s engineering of the Democratic ticket to coconut memes and childless cat ladies.

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THINK TANKS

“Where people who have good brains and poor social skills go to write memos that nobody’s going to read.”

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COCONUT MEMES

“They prove that something can go from cringe to cool in 24 hours under the right circumstances.”

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STUMP SPEECHES

“They’re lazy and I don’t believe in them. It’s fine to have a few refrains and stories that you like, but I think every audience is different and I respect people who try to do 20% new content each time. I think that trying to find that one special moment in each speech is an obligation for any speaker.”

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NANCY PELOSI

“Her command of policy and politics is just next level. She somehow never forgets a name. On almost every important thing that the Democratic Party has done in the past decade or so, she’s been indispensable: healthcare, getting Biden to step down, stopping Republicans from rolling healthcare back. She’s the most effective politician in the country and maybe in the past 50 years.“

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“UNPRECEDENTED”

“The word has been used an unprecedented number of times this year.”

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TRANSVESTIGATORS

“You wonder why they’re so interested in the topic.”

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HULK HOGAN

“I think he represents the dying gasp of a kind of hyper-masculinity. But just because it’s dying doesn’t mean it’s not powerfully appealing to people who feel emasculated by the present economic and social conditions.“

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TRUTH SOCIAL

“Only Donald Trump could run a social media company that’s valued at billions of dollars but only makes $1 million a year. There are bodegas that are more profitable, probably.”

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PRE-SHOW GLAM

“I don’t have any hair, and I have an unfair advantage over my colleagues in that I can go on air without makeup if I have to. Which means, as a practical matter, I can get here later than everybody. But I do need a little bit of anti-shine on top of my head.“

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THIRD-PARTY CANDIDATES

“In this system, it’s basically a waste of time, whereas in a parliamentary system you can actually get a seat or two and do something with it. Here, you just hurt the party that’s closest to you politically. But I am very glad that RFK Jr. is pulling so many votes from Trump.“

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ELON MUSK

“The mad boy genius who’s taking a walk on the dark side. Probably, nobody’s done more good for the world than Elon Musk. And nobody is poised to do more harm if he continues to let X be a platform for right-wing demagoguery.”

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UNNAMED SOURCES

“They’re really abused at this point. I think that the standards for unnamed sources continue to plummet, and it just becomes a way for people to manipulate the conversation.”

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STEPH CURRY

“Even Steph Curry misses some three-pointers, but he never misses an opportunity to be kind. I had court-side seats one time, my son was pretty small. And in the middle of the game, he walks over to the announcer’s table, grabs a handful of candy, gives it to my son, and then just walks off and continues playing the game.“

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POLITICAL SEX SCANDALS

“Trump has kind of erased that as a barrier, at least in the Republican Party and maybe overall. Between him and Bill Clinton, we should just retire the sex scandal as a disqualifier for people in public life. Turns out, people have a lot of sex with other people, so as long as you’re going to have mammals running for office, you’re probably going to have sex scandals.“

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CYBERTRUCKS

“To me, it looks like someone made a mistake in the design. Whoever is driving one is compensating for something and doing a bad job at it.“

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ERIC ADAMS

“Look, I love Eric Adams. His defense of the Jewish community has been heroic, and for that alone I think he set an important example for elected officials and especially Black elected officials to recognize the Jewish community as a vulnerable minority that deserves the same level of passionate support as every other vulnerable minority. Also, we haven’t had a stylish Black mayor since maybe Willie Brown in San Francisco in the ’90s.“

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DOOMSDAY PREP

“Probably more necessary than most of us would like to admit.”

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CHILDLESS CAT LADIES

“Turns out there are a lot more of them than JD Vance thought.“

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ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

“Will.I.am and I are working on a campaign called #MakeWakandaReal because our view is that 99% of Black people don’t know anything about AI and 99% of white people don’t either. It’s the only equality you’re ever going to see. So there’s a huge opportunity for communities that have been at the back of the line to grab this new technology and use it as a jetpack to get to the front.“