Jennifer Lopez Tells Nikki Glaser How a Turbulent Summer Changed Her

It wasn’t the summer Jennifer Lopez was hoping for. A canceled tour, the end of a marriage, and an internet pile-on that felt particularly brutal, even to an entertainer who has literally done and seen it all. But this is J.Lo, an unshakeable force, an immovable object, un-knock-down-able, even if she might occasionally stumble. So where is she today, and how have the last few months changed her? After a summer of relative silence, the comedian Nikki Glaser found a Jennifer Lopez who was more than ready to talk.

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TUESDAY 1 PM SEPT. 10, 2024 L.A.

NIKKI GLASER: Hello!

JENNIFER LOPEZ: Hi!

GLASER: How are you?

LOPEZ: I’m sorry, babe. I was finishing this other thing. It went a little longer than I thought.

GLASER: No, you’re good. I’m good. I’m oddly nervous.

LOPEZ: [Laughs] Why?

GLASER: Because first of all, I’m talking to you, and it’s wild that it’s happening. It feels like a Make-A-Wish. Secondly, I’m not an interviewer and I just realized that as I was prepping, I’m putting all this pressure on myself to get this exactly right, and I’m like, “Wait a second, just ease up, because this is the first time you’re doing it.” But actually, I just came from couples therapy, so this is a welcome respite from the tension that was in that. Now I’m like, “Oh, I just get to talk to my friend J.Lo.”

LOPEZ: That’s the thing. Let’s not think of it as an interview, but as a conversation between two amazing women.

GLASER: I will take that. You looked amazing in pictures of you this weekend at the Toronto [International] Film Festival. Did you feel as amazing as you looked?

LOPEZ: [Laughs] I felt really good. The movie’s really beautiful. You do these things and then you forget, because they’re in the can for so long, and you’ve moved on to other projects, and I’ve been taking time off, so I’ve not been in that mindset. I did the movie because it was such an inspirational story, and it was a Latino story. It’s about Anthony Robles, a wrestler who was born with one leg, and how he defied the odds in his sport. I play his mother, who had him when she was 16.

GLASER: And you got to see it with audiences?

LOPEZ: I got to see it all done for the first time with the audience in Toronto, and people loved it and really responded to the emotion of the movie. It’s one of those great inspirational stories that I think the world needs right now.

GLASER: Absolutely.

LOPEZ: It’s about perseverance and strength and overcoming adversity. Yes, I felt great. And being there with Judy Robles, who I play, was beyond. I can’t wait for people to see it.

GLASER: You said that something about it felt similar to when you portrayed Selena, and that really stood out to me. What is that feeling you had?

LOPEZ: There’s just something different about playing real people. Sometimes you play characters, and it’s all fictional and you can really emulate the type of person you think it is. But meeting Judy and speaking to her about her struggles of having a child so young, and then him being born without a leg and what that meant, and how she carried with her that it was her fault, and then her feeling of not being good enough, and then her son inspiring her—when you see the movie and you see what happens at the end, it’s fucking mind-blowing what the human spirit can overcome.

GLASER: What’s the process for you putting together that portrayal? Do you call her? Do you go visit face-to-face? Do you study how she talks? Was it about getting her character right or just representing her in tone?

LOPEZ: It’s both, because you don’t want to do an imitation, but you want to capture the essence and have enough of the mannerisms and voice and tone that you disappear. Jennifer goes away and all of a sudden, it’s a different person. So yes, I talked to her first on Zoom for hours, about our lives, about our relationships, about our kids—and so much of the stuff she gave me wound up in the movie, even things that weren’t written. Little by little, you see the arc of this woman growing her self-esteem through the fact that her son just won’t give up, and if he can do that, then she can do it, too. And then I met her in person and was like, “I want to sit with you and Anthony and see how that is.” And so, we sat down, and then they were on set, even until the last day.

GLASER: I can’t help but see the mirror of your quest for self-esteem, the one that you found for her. You have been very open about how you’ve also struggled with your own. I don’t think people would ever think Jennifer Lopez could struggle with low self-esteem. I struggle with it and people are always shocked, based on what I do. What’s been your journey with your self-esteem? Can we go back to the beginning?

LOPEZ: My whole life has been proving my enoughness. Dealing with feeling like you’re enough, from when you’re very young, is something that you don’t figure out for a long time, because you’re not looking at yourself like that. Something is driving you and your decisions and you don’t know why. You start going, “Wait a minute, what the fuck is going on here?”

GLASER: What do you think got in your head early on that you weren’t enough?

LOPEZ: It was just being ignored, being a middle child, having a very outgoing mom and a dad who worked all day and worked all night and feeling like you weren’t important, like you weren’t a priority. That embeds in you, and I think your parents are doing the best they can. Even now being a parent, I have much more empathy for what they’ve been through. I love my parents, but I do see the effect of who they were and how they were raised, on me. You don’t even really know until those things start manifesting in your actual adult relationships. “Oh, I’m comfortable with this person ignoring me. I’m comfortable with this person treating me this way or that way.” That, for me, has been a journey. I think my whole life I’ve just been trying to say I’m good enough, until where I am now, when I know. I’m giving myself credit. I’m telling that little girl that grew up in the Bronx, “You’ve done really good for yourself.” I didn’t do that for so many years. And now I think, with everything that’s happened in my life and in my relationships and even in my career, it’s like, give yourself a bit of comfort and love. We’ve been through a lot of things that nobody knows about, and you’ve persevered and you refuse to give up and to let it get you down. There’s something to be said for that because things can really change your life in a way that you do want to give up and say, “Fuck this, this is too hard, I don’t want to do this anymore.” But I’m not there. I refuse to not give myself everything that little girl deserves.

GLASER: When did this little girl get the time of day for you? Is this recent or has she been knocking on the door for a while? Is she finally in? Are you talking to her every day?

LOPEZ: Now I am. And again, it’s not until you go through incredibly hard moments and huge disappointments that you never could have imagined, that these things start becoming crystal clear. But the journey for me started probably when I had my kids, and that was 16 years ago. You start slowly chipping away at different things—“This is not right and this is not right”—and learning how to be on your own, and you start putting the pieces together and then you think, “Oh, I did it! I’ve got it!”

GLASER: I’ve arrived. I’m fixed.

LOPEZ: With This Is Me … Now and the project that you mentioned earlier, I felt like, whoa, I got here. I’m good. I did all the work and look at where I am, and then it was like my whole fucking world exploded.

GLASER: That was such a moment, because I felt it for you too in The Greatest Love Story Never Told. That documentary was so vulnerable and I really fell in love with you in a way that I didn’t see coming. I almost watched it to be like, “What is this girl about?” This jealous version of myself that’s always had you on this pedestal, like your life is perfect. “She doesn’t have any problems, and if she does, fine. The rest of her life is perfect.” The ugliest part of me was a J.Lo critic, and at my lowest lows, that’s where my mind would go, not just for you but for anyone I had jealousy over. Then I watched this documentary—along with Halftime, by the way—and I walked away so impressed with what you were willing to show. So it’s interesting to me, to see that you’re still arriving at new levels. You’re still chipping away.

LOPEZ: It’s a lifelong process. I think that’s what I love about life, that there’s no arrival point. There’s only getting better and growing if you want to. It’s either growing or dying, and I don’t want to do the dying part. And yeah, there’s times when I thought I figured it out, and then life goes, “Let’s send you another thing and see if you fall for it. Let’s see if you really have learned that lesson.” And I hadn’t. I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future, but again, when your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, “How do I not ever let that happen again?” And then you start examining it little by little saying, “Okay, I did this, this was my part in it, this was what I should have seen early on, this is what I didn’t look at.” Those things are what really are the lessons.

GLASER: It sounds to me like you’re looking at that explosion, your house burning down, and you’re past the point of any shame around it. How do you examine what you did wrong without falling into a “what’s wrong with you”? I’m really just asking for myself.

LOPEZ: [Laughs] The work is figuring yourself out. It’s looking back at the feelings underneath and the belief systems that we have about ourselves that make us make certain choices and create certain patterns in our life. And so, when you get to a point where you think that you’ve learned the lessons, and then it blows up in your face again, you realize, “Okay, I haven’t, so what is it that I need to look at right now?” I would say, never stop looking inward, because it’s so easy to blame everybody else.

GLASER: Exactly.

LOPEZ: But you have to be healthy. You have to be complete, if you want something that’s more complete. You have to be good on your own. I thought I learned that, but I didn’t. And then, this summer, I had to be like, “I need to go off and be on my own. I want to prove to myself that I can do that.”

GLASER: Was it hard?

LOPEZ: Yes, it’s fucking hard!

GLASER: What does it look like when it’s hard?

LOPEZ: It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate. But when you sit in those feelings and go, “These things are not going to kill me,” it’s like actually, I am capable of joy and happiness all by myself. Being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I can’t be looking for happiness in other people. I have to have happiness within myself. I used to say I’m a happy person, but was still looking for something for somebody else to fill, and it’s just like, “No, I’m actually good.”

GLASER: I think we all know you have to love yourself before you can let someone else love you. We know that, but do we practice it? Do you feel now you’re practicing it?

LOPEZ: That, to me, is a scary thing too, or a confusing thing, because it’s like, “Oh, you couldn’t love me if I have flaws. I have to be perfect to be loved.” That’s not true! Somebody who truly loves you will help you heal those parts of yourself. That’s what I’ve learned about love, that it is a secure thing. You make me feel safe, and when I fall short of the glory, you understand me and you help me to grow to be better, because you have your boundaries and I have my boundaries. And I go, “Here’s where you’re falling short for me and here’s where I’m falling short for you.” And so, we get better at those things together.

GLASER: Now, it sounds to me like you have a new bar for the next person that comes along.

LOPEZ: Here’s the thing: There’s no new bar because I’m not looking for anybody. How’s that?

GLASER: Interesting! Is this the first time you’ve been able to say that as a single woman?

LOPEZ: Yes!

GLASER: Oh my god! What does that look like for you?

LOPEZ: You know what? For people who are romantics and love being in relationships and want to grow old with somebody, we think, “I have to have that to be whole and happy.” And you don’t.

GLASER: Wow. It’s really impressive how quickly you’ve gotten to this point where you seem to be in a really secure place, ready for the next thing that comes that you’re not even looking for.

LOPEZ: It only took 30 years. [Laughs]

GLASER: But after the summer you’ve had, or the summer that I assume you’ve had, based on the Instagram posts I have read and the distillation of what people have made of your life, just in the media, it’s really impressive to me with what I assume you’ve been through. How much do you pay attention to what is being said about you online?

LOPEZ: I’ve been doing this a very long time, I hate to admit. I like to think that I’m still 16, but I’m not.

GLASER: You look it.

LOPEZ: [Laughs] I know that everything that’s being written and said about me, and all the conjecture of who I am as a person, is not who I am. I learned that a long time ago. And social media, because it came along after I had been in the public eye for a while, I don’t take it as seriously as everybody else. I know I’m a good person. I know I’m a good mom. I know who my friends are. I know my friends know who I am, my mom, my dad, all that stuff. If you hope to have a long career, you have to learn how to deal with that part of the business. Some people are going to love you and some are not going to understand you, and some people just want to hate you to hate you, and none of that really matters. What matters for me, as an artist, is doing work that inspires me and that I enjoy doing, whether it’s a huge commercial success or something that only touches one person that nobody ever fucking even sees. It doesn’t matter. This is my life’s passion. I love to sing. I love to dance. I love to act. I love to entertain. I love to create. And anything anybody could say about me—and please don’t get me wrong, if I see something that’s hurtful, I’m not Teflon.

GLASER: Right.

LOPEZ: As an entertainer, sometimes you’ll be onstage in an arena of 50,000 people, and everybody’s jumping up and down, singing and laughing, and then there’ll be one or two people with resting bitch face.

GLASER: Stone-faced.

LOPEZ: Like they hate you. And you’re zeroed in on those two people.

GLASER: It’s all you can think about.

LOPEZ: Every time I’d go backstage to change, I’d come back out and check and I’d say, “Did I get them yet?” Ignoring the other 49,998 people that are there. It’s human nature, but if you’re going to survive in this business, you’re going to have to understand that that’s a very small faction of people that are probably unhappy in some way.

GLASER: Absolutely.

LOPEZ: Somebody who is going to take the time to make a video just to jump on that thing—how can I pay attention to that when I have these beautiful kids and all this amazing stuff going on in my life? I can’t. Even in hard times, I just go, “You know the truth.” Head high. Like they said in Finding Nemo: Keep on swimming.

GLASER: When I go onstage, I literally blur my eyes because of that same reason. I make it so I can’t see anyone, and sometimes I miss out on the people who are smiling because I don’t want to see the bad. What was your process in getting to a place where you were really solid on, “I know what I’m doing in my career, I don’t need to look for external validation.” Why didn’t that take 30 years?

LOPEZ: When I first started in the business, I came out and worked with Francis Ford Coppola, with Steven Soderbergh, and my record goes straight to number one. All of this stuff was happening and then, all of a sudden, they started criticizing me and you’re like, “Wait, what? That’s not true. That’s not who I am.” And so, right away—and it’s this thing of being young— you’re resilient and optimistic. Things haven’t really quite knocked you all the way on your ass yet. I was like, “I know who I am when I lay my head down at night and that’s what matters.” And that stuck with me, and that’s always, again, that little girl inside of you who so deserves credit and comfort and joy. Life beats you down as you go, and then you have to always go back and connect to that innocent, optimistic, bright-eyed person that you were when you started out. That is something I always had, and I was able to survive those tough moments of a long career where things go up and down, where everybody loves you and then everybody’s jumping on you, and then everybody loves you. That happens if you have a long career.

GLASER: It’s cyclical and to be expected. The highs have to come with the lows, unfortunately. Going back to what drives you to make things and the projects that you choose, it always comes from a place of wanting to say something and wanting to affect people emotionally. I think a lot of artists talk like that. I really believe you when you say it, because you are driven in so many different directions by what excites you— what you want to communicate—and you take wild chances. I really have to give you credit for doing things that maybe people are like, “She shouldn’t be doing that,” and you just do it anyway. I read your book, so I heard the inner workings of how you decided to do American Idol. I would’ve thought, “Of course she’s going to do American Idol. It’s J.Lo. We all love her. We can’t wait to see this side of her.” But that was a risk for you. You had never really shown the side of yourself that wasn’t scripted or completely rehearsed. You were up all night the night before it happened, and I loved reading that, how nervous you were, because you always seem so poised and in control. Do you like to put yourself in situations that are risky? Does that drive you?

LOPEZ: I don’t do things just because I like danger. That’s a different type of person, I think.

GLASER: Agreed.

LOPEZ: I’ll do things that could be risky because I believe that they’re going to turn out okay. I’d done all these big movies and made these albums and now they’re asking me to do reality TV. I’ve had kids and I haven’t worked for a couple of years. American Idol was a big show at the time. It really comes down to, what do I think I can bring to something? When all of my advisors were like, “Don’t do this, you’re going to be reduced to just a reality star.”

GLASER: There’s a stigma.

LOPEZ: It was looked down upon. “Don’t do that or nobody will ever hire you for a movie ever again.” And I was just like, “No. I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen. I think I have something to contribute.” I love music and I love mentoring people, and I wanted to share the things that I knew about the business. So it became more about, “What do I think I can do with this?” When I’m choosing things, even if they seem like not the best idea to everybody else, if I feel it in my gut that it’s the right thing to do, nobody can talk me out of it. It’s the same thing when I went to Vegas. They were like, “That’s where entertainers go to die.” And I was like, “No.” And it launched me into a whole new part of my life.

GLASER: You’re just doing things you want to do no matter what it may look like commercially.

LOPEZ: I know what I could do. I know the type of show that I’m going to make in Vegas, and I know that we’re going to invite all these people and everybody’s going to come, people who would have never bought a ticket to one of my tours. And all of that, little by little, starts building a new momentum. If they offer you the biggest thing in the world and you’re like, “I don’t think I have anything to offer to this,” then you have to go, “This is not for me. I can’t do it.”

GLASER: Have you said no to things that everyone’s saying, “Do this?”

LOPEZ: There’s been movies like that. Sometimes they’ll offer you tons of money to do a commercial or a private show, and you’re just like, “No.” They’re like, “Please do it! We all want the commission!” And I’m like, “I can’t do that.”

GLASER: I’m so honored to relate to you in this way.

LOPEZ: [Laughs]

GLASER: I think I’m just learning to tap into that. If I can close my eyes and picture myself having a great moment doing that thing that might just terrify me, that might make me look foolish, but I’m visualizing the success of it, then it’s going to happen. The career you’ve had is just—you’re one of the most famous people who will ever live, without question.

LOPEZ: [Laughs]

GLASER: And you’ve done so much more than most famous people. You have your hand in every art form and you kill it at all of them. I feel like you saw this. Maybe not exactly how it all panned out, but did you know when you started out that you were capable of this? I’m not saying you’re a cocky person, but I feel like you always knew.

LOPEZ: You’re not crazy to say that, but there’s a version of it. I knew I wanted to be an entertainer. I didn’t know how I was going to do that, but I knew that I wanted to. I went to school and I just did the regular things at any regular school, no performing arts school. Normal, normal, normal. Started working in a bank, in a law office, and then probably around 18, I was like, “I’m not going to college, mom. I’m going to be an entertainer.” They’re like, “You’re crazy. We don’t know anybody in the business.” But I followed my gut and just started taking dance classes for 12 hours a day. And I got really good, really quick.

GLASER: That’s the thing. People go, “How do you get good?” Just do it as much as possible.

LOPEZ: Practice, practice, practice. I knew I could do a lot of different things, and I never closed myself off to what everybody thought was the normal way to do things. If you were an actress, you didn’t sing. If you were a serious actress, you didn’t do L’Oréal ads. I was like, “No, I can do L’Oréal ads.” Now, everybody wants that contract. I felt like I could do all the things. I want to sing and do serious movies and make records and make perfume, too. I worked in a perfume store when I grew up, so I knew every single perfume. And everybody was like, “Don’t do that. You’re a singer and an actress now.”

GLASER: We told you you couldn’t be a pop star and an actor, but now that you have both of those, don’t do this other thing. You’re like, “I’ll do that too.”

LOPEZ: If it excites you, do it.

GLASER: Dude, I’m laughing. You know the Hawk Tuah girl? I just got asked to do her podcast, and I was like, “I want to talk to this girl. She’s hilarious.” My publicist wrote me, “We’re not doing this, are we?” And I go, “No, it excites me.” I will make time to talk to the Hawk Tuah girl because, commercially, it might not look like the right thing, but inside, I want to talk to this young girl who’s funny. Putting everything through that filter, it makes me have a good time doing what I’m doing. I don’t want to get away from the thing that brought me into this business in the first place, which is my passion for it. And then you get in and you’re supposed to choose things that look cool that may not excite you. It feels good to hear you say that because I’m just going to keep following my gut.

LOPEZ: Exactly. And sometimes, Nikki, it’s going to work out great. And sometimes it won’t. And that’s fucking okay, too. I was thinking about this time in my life, and I’m like, “That’s not what I thought it was going to turn out like.” And then I thought, “No, this is exactly where I needed to be, to lead me to where I want to go.”

GLASER: The pain you just went through, you do not regret.

LOPEZ: Not one second. That doesn’t mean it didn’t almost take me out for good. It almost did. But now, on the other side of it, I think to myself, “Fuck, that is exactly what I needed. Thank you, god. I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry that you had to do this to me so many times. I should have learned it two or three times ago. I get it. You had to hit me really hard over the head with a fucking sledgehammer. You dropped the house on me. Don’t have to do it again.”

GLASER: You finally got it.

LOPEZ: I finally got it! And by the way, that doesn’t mean I have everything figured out. Now I’m excited, when you say you’re just going to be on your own. Yes, I’m not looking for anybody, because everything that I’ve done over the past 25, 30 years, being in these different challenging situations, what can I fucking do when it’s just me flying on my own—

GLASER: Oh my god.

LOPEZ: What if I’m just free?

GLASER: You’ve been running with a weighted vest and a parachute behind you and been able to get so far. What are you going to do without that stuff ? How far are you going to go? Does it scare you?

LOPEZ: A little bit, but it’s new territory, so that’s always a little scary, right? And I know that the old Jennifer is still going to try to be like, “Wait, don’t we want to do that?” And it’s like, no, dumb bitch. No.

GLASER: [Laughs] Be nicer to her than that.

LOPEZ: I will be, but she knows how I talk.

GLASER: It’s a loving bitch.

LOPEZ: Let’s take dumb bitch out. It’s no, motherfucker, no.

GLASER: No, I love it. I call myself bitch too, but it’s loving.

LOPEZ: I know. And that’s the most important thing, right? The relationship with yourself, for me, is the relationship with myself being cultivated in this moment and my relationship with god, that I think we tend to get away from at times, when you’re wrapped up with other people. And god has always been such a big part of my life.

GLASER: Man, I’m having a god moment right now because for me, it is just a higher power. I don’t know what the hell it is. Just something I talk to, and I rarely talk to him anymore. But right before this call—and I never talk out loud, it’s usually in my head—I said out loud, “Hey god, let me have a great time with Jennifer Lopez and just be the best version of myself I can be.” And I got to say, he came through.

LOPEZ: You are amazing.

GLASER: I’m leaving this a better person. You gave me advice that I will carry throughout my whole career. Truly.

LOPEZ: Don’t make me cry. I will say, you’re going to be around for so long. The way you annihilated everybody at that Tom Brady roast, I will never forget. I was so proud to be a woman.

GLASER: Oh my god.

LOPEZ: Abso-fucking-lutely. And this is no bullshit. I don’t have to say these things, but I want to. I want you to know how special you are. The business we’re in, especially as women, can be tough. And you, especially, are surrounded by male comedians all the time. I’m sure that’s what your life is like.

GLASER: It’s exactly that.

LOPEZ: Just remember, you’re better than all of them. I will always be here for you, I mean that.

GLASER: I know you mean that. And I want to make sure people who are reading this know that I know you mean that. You are going to be someone I’m going to know for a while.

LOPEZ: For a very long time. Let me just tell you, I want to go to one of your shows. And I want you to come to mine when I get back out there.

GLASER: I would die. I was so sad about your tour. I was ready to go to multiple cities, so I will be there when it’s back on.

LOPEZ: I can’t wait to get back out there. I have the most understanding and loving fans in the world. Some fan bases can be spicy. Mine are just a bunch of lovers. I was so devastated to let anybody down, but I just needed to be with my kids and myself and really dig down deep into things that were happening in my life. And I’m glad I did, because it was a really difficult time for me. Probably the hardest time of my life, but it was also the best time because I got to do that work on myself.

GLASER: I’m really glad that you had that time.

LOPEZ: I appreciate it and say thank you to everybody for understanding that, and I’ll be out there entertaining you and shaking my ass sooner than you know.

GLASER: We can’t wait. I’ll be there, front row.

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Hair: Jesus Guerrero at The Wall Group.

Makeup: Scott Barnes.

Nails: Tom Bachik using CND at A-Frame Agency.

Set Design: James Rene.

Tailor: M’Lynn Hass.

Photography Assistants: Ivory Serra, Trever Gens, & Isabella Anselmi.

Fashion Assistants: Elliot Soriano & Micah Ramirez.

Hair Assistant: Jinju Bae.

Post Production: Other Color & Picture.

Production: Penny Projects.

Location: Caster House.