“I’m the Big Dick Bitch”: Ts Madison on Tucking, Tariffs, and the Diddy Trial

Suffice it to say that Ts Madison is everywhere these days: of course, she’s still a regular on the judging panel of RuPaul‘s Drag Race and the host of its official reunion show, Bring Back My Girls, but she’s also just opened the Ts Madison Starter House in Atlanta, a reentry home for formerly incarcerated Black women, and if you attend the Cowboy Carter tour this summer, you’ll hear her iconic “Bitch, I’m Black” incantations during Beyoncé’s “Cozy.” So, what else is left for Ms. Madison do? Well, start a podcast. Earlier this month, she launched Outlaws with iHeart’s Outspoken Podcast Network, a weekly show providing space, as she puts it, for “reflection, real talk and revolution.” After kicking off the show with marquee appearances by Tina Knowles and Chappell Roan, we thought we’d put Madison on the hot seat instead for this week’s Rorschach Test, in which she sounds off on liars, porn addicts, ChatGPT, and her hometown of Miami. “Oh, child,” she sighed. “Ain’t nothing going on there.”

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TUCKING

“Honey, what am I going to be tucking for, baby? Everybody knows that I’m Ts Madison, AKA the Big Dick Bitch. I ain’t tucking nothing but my sheets.“

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MIAMI

“Oh, child. Ain’t nothing going on there. Somebody getting killed every damn day down there, honey. You couldn’t pay me to go back.“

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TARIFFS

“Listen, my new wigs are really expensive because of these freaking tariffs. All my wigs come from China—the hair, the bundles, every piece of quiff that I have come from China.“

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DIDDY

“He’s a woman abuser. Never could rap. He was never a lyricist. I also think that he’s the reason that Biggie Smalls was murdered. The first thing comes to mind when you say Puff Daddy? He killed Biggie, bitch.“

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VAPING

“Vaping and a weed pen, are they the same thing? I just know about those weed pens. And when they start saying that the weed pen is doing you in, then I’m going to have to be like, ‘Nah,’ and just drink it. But I’m not for vaping. No vape for me.“

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LYING

“I don’t believe that there’s any positive outcome from lying. Even if it’ll mess something up, you’d rather go ahead and tell the truth about something and just get it out of the way.“

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POPE LEO XIII

“Is he Black? I don’t know who it is, honey. The only pope I know is Pope John Paul II. But this new one, I heard he’s Black.“

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PRIDE

“I love Pride, but I think it’s lost the essence of what it used to be. Pride used to be something where we were proud to be L-G-B-T-Q-I-A. Pride is now trying to eradicate the T. But if it wasn’t for the T throwing the brick, we wouldn’t have no damn Pride. It’s just become a corporate sex party.“

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CHATGPT

“I found so much stuff about me on ChatGPT. I asked ChatGPT, ‘How do you make a love potion?’ And it told me.“

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THE AFTERS

“Oh, honey. I go from the club to my room. I ain’t in no scandal. When I left the game, the game left me. “

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JIGGLY CALIENTE

“I was taken when I heard she transitioned. We just hosted a Bring Back My Girls segment together at Roscoe’s Tavern. It just made me say, you’ve got to live life to the extremes. I’m so hurt about that.“

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OZEMPIC

“I need some immediately. But I don’t want to overdo it because, honey, the girls out here taking this Ozempic and they are bobble-heading. I’m like, ‘Girl, you look like you should be on the dashboard.’“

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PORN ADDICTS

“Porn should be a phase. I did adult films for the money, not the feeling or the excitement of it. But I’m 48 years old and I still have men telling me, ‘I’ve been watching you since I was 16.’ I’m like, don’t tell me that. “

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SMALL TALK

“Let’s get to the point. Don’t tell me you used to watch porno movies of me back in the back because I’m not giving you any of my sex. I’m not even a whore anymore. So therefore, good day!“

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