Mrs. Dow Jones on Stocks, Sugar Daddies, and Staying Rich

Last week, when I asked Haley Sacks—better known as Mrs. Dow Jones, the “Zillennial Finance Expert”—how much money she thought I’d spent that day, she was only two dollars off. “I feel like you bought a coffee and then some sort of lunch, maybe a Metro Card swipe,” she said. “Am I warm?” She was. On Instagram and TikTok, Sacks has accumulated an enormous following for her cheeky and informative videos, in which she miraculously makes arcane topics like credit scores, tax loopholes, and mortgage payments both amusing and legible. And at the end, in her trademark city girl drawl, she tells her devoted followers to “stay rich.” We wanted to find out how, so in this week’s Search History, we asked Sacks to help us hack the stock market, among other things.

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JAKE NEVINS: Let’s do this, queen!

HALEY SACKS: Hey, gorgeous. I’m ready for you.

NEVINS: A/S/L?

SACKS: 32/F/Dumbo.

NEVINS: What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

SACKS: Take three deep breaths & then oil pull, which randomly does work. Like, Gwyneth was NOT lying.

NEVINS: What’s in your system currently?

SACKS: Well it’s 3pm and I haven’t had a chance to eat lunch formally so I had about three packs of beef jerky (they were SMALL). And a giant Yeti of electrolyte water. And I made protein pancakes this morning which was cute.

NEVINS: What were your last three google searches?

SACKS: “Joe Jonas Sophie Turner divorce” because I’m researching a video on hiring a mediator vs. getting a lawyer for divorce (it’s cheaper to do mediation). And “Judge Judy,” because I was finding backgrounds for said video. And “Anna Wintour vintage André Leon Talley front row,” because my outfit today is inspired by a pic of her lol.

NEVINS: I can’t wait to consult that video when I’m in the middle of a nasty divorce myself.

SACKS: Looking forward to it!

NEVINS: Strangest DM you’ve received?

SACKS: Someone wanting to be my sugar daddy, which I was open to but then he didn’t respond when I responded. A lot of those types of DMs are dead ends sadly.

NEVINS: What’s an appropriate and reasonable monthly stipend for a sugar baby?

SACKS: Depends what the terms of the agreement are, but probably 5k. As a STARTING rate.

NEVINS: Period. Where do you spend most of your time online?

SACKS: Instagram for sure & then random websites researching niche financial topics. Oh, and Daily Mail, duh. And Bloomberg.

NEVINS: Fit check?

NEVINS: Two icons. Whose face do you want to see on American currency?

SACKS: Anna Wintour’s. Or Warren Buffett’s.

NEVINS: I need advice: best stock to buy right now?

SACKS: I never buy individual stocks, darling–too much risk. I prefer low cost index funds that track the S&P 500 or NASDAQ. QQQ, VOO, etc.

NEVINS: Noted. What’s the best meal in NYC for under ten dollars?

SACKS: Slice of pizza and fountain diet coke. I like Leo in Williamsburg—they have a slice shop.

NEVINS: Mrs. Dow Jones, I have to ask….When will I be able to buy a home?

SACKS: That’s a loaded question, Jakey–can I have more info? What kind of home? Where? How long do you plan to live there? How much do you have in savings currently? And WHY do you want to buy a home? Is it because society tells you it’s the financially mature thing to do?

NEVINS: Wow. Much to think about. What are you doing when the monthly jobs report comes out?

SACKS: Taking a bath.

NEVINS: In 10 words or less, explain inflation to our financially illiterate readers.

SACKS: Inflation=the rate that the price of a good or service rises.

NEVINS: Work.

SACKS: So, the higher the inflation, the faster the price increases and the less goods or services you can afford. Carrie Bradshaw, ring the bell.

NEVINS: Should we eat the rich?

SACKS: No, but we should eat WITH them. They always go to great restaurants.

NEVINS: How much money have you spent today?

SACKS: None! I like to have a few no-spend days a week (or try to).

NEVINS: How much money do you think I’ve spent today?

SACKS: $34. I feel like you bought a coffee and then some sort of lunch. Maybe a Metro Card swipe. Am I warm?

NEVINS: Wait, it’s $31.90 on coffee, lunch, and subway. I’m freaking out.

SACKS: Okay she’s psychic. What was for lunch?

NEVINS: Two salmon avocado rolls.

SACKS: Yum, sushi lunch special it is! Best deal in town. I love how food is cheaper when you order it for lunch, even if it’s the same thing.

NEVINS: Mo money, mo problems? 

SACKS: I think problems arise regardless of your financial situation. And money at least can help you solve some of them.

NEVINS: Send me your favorite meme.

SACKS: The future meme is all time fav.

NEVINS: Describe your private browsing persona in three words.

SACKS: Investigative, luxurious, and ADHD.

NEVINS: How many unread texts do you have right now?

SACKS: Seven. I am pretty good with texts. Email, a different story.

NEVINS: Money or clout?

SACKS: Money. Duh. Does anyone say clout? You could use clout to get money, I guess. But isn’t the biggest serve to be rich and off the grid?

NEVINS: What’s your password?

SACKS: Pen15.

NEVINS: Classic. 

SACKS: Classique.

NEVINS: Are we doomed?

SACKS: No! Not at all. But thinking that validates YOLO money behavior and makes us feel better about not financially planning for the future. Instead of putting things off because of “what ifs,” I recommend having a money date once a month where you review your credit card and bank statements and income. It isn’t as horrible as it sounds and 10/10 times I catch an error or find a way to get money back. I have an amazing spreadsheet you can use to track everything called The Money Book–go to financeiscool.com to cop.

NEVINS: You’re a wise sage. Thank you for your time!

SACKS: Anytime. I can’t believe I get to be in Interview and that I get to DM with Jake Nevins. So freaking chic. XOXO.

NEVINS: I can’t believe I get to DM with Mrs. Dow Jones.

SACKS: Hopefully we do more of that. Stay rich <3