Julio Torres On Post Malone, Salem Witch Trials, and Ikea Blue
Julio Torres didn’t rise to fame so much as he levitated. Several years after moving to New York from El Salvador, the eccentric comedian brought his cosmic outlook to Saturday Night Live, where, as a writer, he quickly transcended the show with instant-classic sketches like “Wells for Boys,” “Papyrus,” and “The Actress.” That surrealist streak also informs Los Espookys, the HBO comedy he co-created and stars in, and My Favorite Shapes, the hour-long special for the same network that introduces the world to the inner lives of his most precious possessions. This Halloween month, we consulted the spookiest self-described Space Prince to share his thoughts on a few topics chosen at semi-random.
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UNICORNS
“Played out. I think that the mysticism is gone because of floaties. I think floaties ruined unicorns.”
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TIMES NEW ROMAN
“Classic. I don’t use it, just as I don’t do a black t-shirt and jeans, but by all means.”
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BILLIE EILISH’S (BLUE) HAIR
“I obviously love blue hair, but it’s not my favorite hair color. It’s a bit of a nightmare to maintain. I’m really liking this new color of mine. My hair lady, Marcy, calls it sunset.”
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CATS (THE MOVIE)
“I just don’t know if that CGI will age well. You know what I mean? The use of CGI normally gives people what they want, but this is like taking a swing so hard that I’m like, ‘You know what? Sink or swim.’ Have them hate you. Better than have them forget you.”
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THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS
“I feel like New England witches are one thing that I, on paper, should like, but in practice, I don’t.”
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CBD OIL
“I haven’t tried the oil. How do you even use the oil? I’ve tried the brownies and stuff. I don’t know if it’s placebo, but it made me fall asleep.”
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ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
“I don’t know if this classifies as artificial intelligence, but I’ve come to hate having a human body, and I just want to be uploaded already. Every time I get sick, I think, ‘This is so stupid. Why do I have to deal with this?’”
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BAKED BY MELISSA CUPCAKES
“N/A.”
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TOYS “R” US
“I didn’t grow up here. I don’t think I ever went inside a Toys ‘R’ Us. I walked past the one in Union Square a bunch, and I know there’s a huge one on the way to Jacob Riis Beach. That’s my experience with Toys ‘R’ Us ”
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AUTOCORRECT
“Not there when you need it, so annoying when you don’t. Try typing ‘Espookys’ 10 times a day and having it be like ‘Spooky.’”
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IKEA
“I like the blue.”
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TRUE LOVE
“The concept? Sure. Yeah. I think so. I don’t know.”
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SQUARES
“Necessary. Humble.”
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POST MALONE
“I have not developed an opinion.”
This article appears in the fall 2019 50th anniversary issue of Interview magazine. Subscribe here.
