Aurora Rates on Micro Penises and Walnut Whip Dicks

FRIDAY 3:30 PM AUG. 4, 2023 ???

TAYLORE SCARABELLI: We’re on an undisclosed nude beach with Aurora Rates. What do you do?

AURORA RATES: I rate dicks on the internet for money.

SCARABELLI: So we’re not rating any dicks on the beach today?

RATES: No.

SCARABELLI: Maybe you could do one passerby?

RATES: I could. Some of the things I say are quite brutal.

SCARABELLI: You just received a micro penis submission in your inbox.

RATES: A serious micro penis. I feel like I need to ask him for another photo because I’d like to see it from a different angle. But also I want to know if it’s soft or hard in that photo because sometimes they can really change. [Shows image]

SCARABELLI: Wow.

RATES: I mean, I don’t think that would ever be impressive, but it might not be an innie anymore.

SCARABELLI: It takes all shapes and sizes. So how do people find your services?

RATES: I mostly advertise on Twitter. Often, I’ll post a previous rating that I did to get people excited and then they’ll ask me to do theirs.

SCARABELLI: And they pay up front?

RATES: Yeah. I won’t even look at that dick without money first. If they block me afterwards, I feel like I’ve done a good job.

SCARABELLI: What do you make on average?

RATES: It’s not a lot. I would say it supplements my income.

SCARABELLI: It’s a hobby.

RATES: Yeah. The problem is you have to be immediately available whenever these dudes have their dicks hard. And I honestly have a problem with that.

SCARABELLI: How did you start?

RATES: I have lots of friends that do online findom work. During the pandemic, I found that a lot of the dudes that I was talking to on dating sites were creepy pervs, so I thought, “If I’m going to be talking to a creepy perv, I want to be talking to a creepy perv that pays me.”

SCARABELLI: Do you ever get off on it?

RATES: Yeah. When they give me lots of money.

SCARABELLI: Money makes you horny?

RATES: Yeah. I had one guy who gave me 2,400 bucks just to look at his dick.

SCARABELLI: Not bad.

RATES: I really love when they do the comparison shots, when they put their dick next to something so you can try and— [Shows photo]

SCARABELLI: Oh my god, the lighter.

RATES: Yeah. The lighter is a really popular one. Or a Q-tip. Or a ChapStick.

SCARABELLI: You’re talking tiny.

RATES: Yeah. Tiny, tiny.

SCARABELLI: Is it mostly tiny?

RATES: No. Some of them are just weird. And some guys are just curious how their dicks measure up to other people’s. Some of them think they have tiny dicks, and I’m like, “Well, that’s actually a pretty good dick, to be honest.”

SCARABELLI: That’s something I’ve encountered before. Men are just confused because they watch porn all the time.

RATES: Okay, I’m going to read you a review. This one’s kind of nice. “It looks like a beaver has been gnawing on your dick. Whoever has been chewing on that thing owes us all an apology. If I saw it just by the base, I might think this is an exciting one. There’s a nice girth, it’s neatly trimmed, but all positive qualities end there as it moves into that knot-up blimp-shaped dick. Let’s just say, I hope you have a decent personality because you’re not winning anyone over with your cock.”

SCARABELLI: I don’t know if that’s nice.

RATES: The beginning part was nice. This is a nice one for sure.

SCARABELLI: Okay.

RATES: I said, “This dick is so big, it looks like it’s about to knock out your jaw or mine. That’s the type of dick that guys love whipping out at parties just to see people’s jaws hit the floor and/or shrink away in comparison. Absolutely legendary. Beautiful veinage, nice curve. I would take that thing for a drive and love every single minute of it. I’d tell all my friends, or they’d just gasp when they see I can’t walk for a week. Ambitious and delicious. Nine out of ten.”

SCARABELLI: That’s very generous. Was that an honest review?

RATES: Yeah, it was huge. Look at this thing. It’s terrifying. I couldn’t actually do that. [Shows photo]

SCARABELLI: How do you determine the value of a dick?

RATES: I pay attention to where the photo is taken—that’s really important to me because often it’ll just be, like, a dude sitting on a dirty toilet, snapping a photo of his dick. That’s an automatic negative rate. You’re not going to hear anything good from me about that. And grooming, cleanliness, is really important.

SCARABELLI: Okay, so you’re kind of looking at it from the POV of a woman getting a dick pic.

RATES: One hundred percent. Some men are quite artistic with theirs and I appreciate that.

SCARABELLI: How so?

RATES: Good lighting. Clean bathroom. Shaved, moisturized.

SCARABELLI: Do you have a personal preference for big dicks or small dicks? Or do you not want that to be known?

RATES: I thought going into this that it did not matter to me. And then I had an encounter with a micro penis and I hated it.

SCARABELLI: You didn’t know what to do with it?

RATES: There’s not much you can do with it. The easiest blow job of my life. I had to turn away and laugh.

SCARABELLI: But you followed through.

RATES: It was like sucking a fucking thumb.

SCARABELLI: I mean, it could be worse.

RATES: If that’s what you’re working with, you have to have skills in other arenas.

SCARABELLI: Yes.

RATES: Size doesn’t really matter because you can be really good with your hands. And so I thought I expected this dude to perform in other ways.

SCARABELLI: Right. Would you be willing to talk about some passersby dicks?

RATES: Yeah, I could.

SCARABELLI: Okay. There’s a guy in a t-shirt, no pants.

RATES: It would be better if he had socks on. I will say, I usually don’t see the faces of the people whose dicks I’m writing about. So the full picture, it does actually really add something.

SCARABELLI: True.

RATES: So the man that walked past, he has—I don’t know if you’ve ever seen—I feel like I need to give a reference photo.

SCARABELLI: Okay.

RATES: It’s what I would call a Walnut Whip dick. It kind of looks like this confectionery.

SCARABELLI: Oh, what’s that?

RATES: It’s a chocolate that’s available in Europe. It’s kind of like you’ve, I don’t know, pushed something into whipped cream and then all the billowy stuff comes up all around it and creates a weird droopy part on the top.

SCARABELLI: Ouch.

RATES: And he had those gross wispy pubes that I always hate. I think even just a little bit of trimmage can go a long way. As you get older, your pubes fall out, they get more sparse. So when you only have 12 long ones, it’s like a comb-over.

SCARABELLI: Do you believe in dyeing pubes?

RATES: I believe in doing whatever you feel like with them.

SCARABELLI: But you might not give a good rating.

RATES: I would have questions. Actually, I find more men than I expected shave everything. I think that’s a small-dick-complex thing.

SCARABELLI: Right. What’s the most absurd request you’ve gotten?

RATES: When people ask for small penis humiliation and they’ve got a fucking huge dick. That drives me nuts.

SCARABELLI: Do you think that’s just an ego thing?

RATES: One hundred percent.

SCARABELLI: What have you learned about men through this process?

RATES: They’re dumber than you think. They’ll fucking shove their dick into absolutely anything that you tell them to. But every now and then you’ll say something that really scars someone. And I kind of feel bad about it, but also kind of not. There’s a risk you take when asking a stranger to give you their opinion on your genitals.

SCARABELLI: You have a lot of power.

RATES: Absolutely.

SCARABELLI: And the dick is really the root of all masculine ego.

RATES: Yeah.

SCARABELLI: So people must really trust you.

RATES: Maybe.

SCARABELLI: Or they’re just horny.

———

Micro penis by Anonymous.

Nude beach by Pantless men.