This Summer, @IsabelUnhinged Is Googling Low-Cost Lobotomies

“In New York, you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment,” Carrie Bradshaw once said. That’s the case for Isabel Timerman, known as @IsabelUnhinged to her 376K followers. Her TikTok is a manifesto of Carrie-level delusion—made for (and by) the girls who fall hopelessly in love after one date or feel like flushing their phone down the toilet when an ex breaks the no-contact rule. “Doing my makeup because showing up at his workplace is considered stalking,” she sulks in one video. In another, she can be seen riding It’s A Small World with the caption: “When it was supposed to be for the plot and now ur at Disney World with his entire family.” (IsabelUnhinged could have written a sex column, but could Carrie Bradshaw have written that?) She’s single this summer, so we couldn’t help but wonder how unhinged girls run the streets. For this week’s SEARCH HISTORY, we slid into Isabel’s DMs and had a ki about TikTok tarot card readers, astrological signs to avoid, and what to do when you find your situationship on Hinge.

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EMMA STOUT: Hi!

ISABELUNHINGED: Hi babe.

STOUT: Let’s get into it.

UNHINGED: I’m SAT. (With my vape)

STOUT: Birds of a feather… A/S/L?

UNHINGED: 26/Delusional Female/NYC.

STOUT: What’s the first thing you did this morning?

UNHINGED: Doordashed a bagel and booked an IV.. I was in terrible shape (still am).

STOUT: Love that though. You cracked the hangover code.

UNHINGED: It didn’t work 😭 I think IVs are placebo.

STOUT: I think you’re right. Unless it’s like, morphine.

UNHINGED: Or a lobotomy.

STOUT: Can you order that to your house too?

UNHINGED: I wish.

STOUT: What were your most recent Google searches?

UNHINGED:

UNHINGED: Wait I have more… Who wants me?!

STOUT: I love how the Quora user is concerned about the cost. Like, we only want a LOW cost lobotomy please!

UNHINGED: Real for that🙏

STOUT: Looking up astrology compatibility is also real. Are you seeing a Taurus man?

UNHINGED: No, but I’m currently talking to one. (It’s been two hours.) I think a Taurus would be good for me. I always end up with fire signs🤮 Or water, which is worse.

STOUT: What’s the worst sign to date?

UNHINGED: A Scorpio. Which is actually my sign. Scorpio men are supervillains.

STOUT: My first high school boyfriend was a Scorpio and that relationship changed my brain chemistry.

UNHINGED: No literally. Like, I need financial compensation.

STOUT: They should pay for our lobotomies. What’s your type?

UNHINGED: We could get matching ones 🎀 Someone who doesn’t want me. Kidding. I honestly don’t have a checklist. Attraction is unpredictable. I honestly know within the first ten seconds if I like or don’t like someone, but it’s hard for me to define. Some kind of energy that’s palpable. A little edgy. Originality…

STOUT: Spoken like a true Scorpio. Online dating: yay or nay?

UNHINGED: I have all the apps but I don’t take them seriously. I treat it kind of like a hot or not game. I once found my situationship on Hinge and it said “active today.” I called out of work. Sickening.

STOUT: That just happened to me on Raya. I got the ick immediately.

UNHINGED: Like how dare you entertain other people while I’m entertaining other people. It’s only okay when I do it…. I need a man to come up to me while I’m reading Anne Sexton on a park bench. Or in the grocery store while i’m in the vegetable aisle (I have never cooked in my life).

STOUT: Exactlyyy. And dating apps are for girls! Why are you, as a man, on there? Shouldn’t you be going to war or something?

UNHINGED: Men shouldn’t have social media. Or phones.

STOUT: Read receipts on or off?

UNHINGED: OFF. Why would I want someone to know I’m actively ignoring them?

STOUT: Period. Send a screenshot of the craziest message you’ve gotten from an ex.

UNHINGED: 

STOUT: LOL. The text before being “Idk why you think you’re so funny”…

UNHINGED: He’s literally in love with me.

STOUT: I know he was giggling and kicking his feet when he sent that. What does your TikTok FYP look like?

UNHINGED: Recently, it’s been 13-year-old tarot card readers telling me a tall brunette Sagittarius man wants me back🙏

STOUT: Do you believe in unghosting someone?

UNHINGED: I always unghost people. I’m like “Hey, remember me?” The worst is when they don’t respond. Like, what do you mean you found your self-respect?

STOUT: Is this a summer for the streets, or are we looking for love?

UNHINGED: Summer for the streets, for sure. I need to focus on my career and love is a huge distraction for me. I just got out of a breakup and am so excited for hot girl summer. A fling would be fun. It was supposed to be a Notebook summer and now it’s a Sex and the City summer.

STOUT: Everyone in your comments section talks about how you look like Charlotte. Which SATC character do you relate to the most?

UNHINGED: I look like Charlotte, act like Carrie (unfortunately), and dress like Samantha. I heard Rachel Senott’s doing a reboot…it’d be cool to be involved in that somehow. Maybe I could act in it, or write. She follows me on TikTok. She gets it.

STOUT: Need to see that collab happen now🙏 That brings me to another question: money or clout?

UNHINGED: Doesn’t money come as a result of clout? Probably money.

STOUT: You said both! Exactly.

UNHINGED: Always both.

STOUT: What’s your favorite meme?

UNHINGED: 

STOUT: Oh my god. That’s @IsabelUnhinged core.

UNHINGED: It’s so me. And also real. Like, I’d rather be crazy than forgettable.

STOUT: Last question…what’s your password?

UNHINGED: It was ParisHilton99 since I was 11 years old. Just changed it. Wait, but I’m having fun. Don’t go. Please.