Michelle Buteau on Andy Cohen, Eric Adams, and The Four Seasons Orlando

Michelle Buteau is busy. Too busy to see Challengers or watch the viral TikTok of the Four Seasons Orlando Baby. And you can’t blame her. This month, the comedian and actor stars opposite Ilana Glazer in Babes, a warm new buddy comedy directed by Pamela Adlon about two best friends navigating the twin burdens of friendship and motherhood. Oh, and Buteau herself is literally raising twins, Hazel and Otis, which hasn’t stopped her from getting to work on her pilot and stand-up special. Despite it all, Michelle Buteau took time last week to join us for another installment of the Rorschach Test, during which she sounded off on a slew of buzzy topics, from Diddy and Ozempic to Cowboy Carter and the mayorship of New York’s own Eric Adams.

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ERIC ADAMS

“I’m just so tired of men showing up and acting like the loudest one in the room is the most competent for the job. ‘Cause you’re not.”

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BEING AN ONLY CHILD

“It is literally a singular experience. No matter where you go, whether you’re in first grade or 11th grade, you have to greet everybody with a handshake and say, “I am so and so.” Being an only child is really just giving Monster.com resume realness.”

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THE FOUR SEASONS ORLANDO BABY

“Does a Four Season make Orlando any better, though? It’s like, you could put lobster on pizza. It still doesn’t make sense. It’s still Orlando.”

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DIDDY

“I think it’s time for Diddy to be in jail and it’s also time for us to come together and understand that people are suffering and we cannot let them suffer anymore. We need to help them find closure.“

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COWBOY CARTER

“It has actually made me happy and proud to be an American, which I haven’t felt in a very long time.”

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OZEMPIC

“It really fucking sucks that people still feel like they have to be super skinny and force themselves to live up to this unrealistic, patriarchal standard of beauty, which is being skinny. I don’t want to shame anyone, I justI hope you fucking heal. I hope you know that you don’t have to take this drug in order to be loved or liked or get work or exist.”

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TOM SANDOVAL

“He’s the reason why I do not live in Los Angeles. He’s probably the very worst kind of guy, because he presents himself as a good guy, but he’s really a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Bottom line: I don’t know that I could ever trust a man with white gel tips.“

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MILFs

“Who says the mom wants to fuck you? Mama’s got choices too, bitch.”

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BED-STUY

“I love the music. I love the block parties. I love the traffic jams. I love how people act like the street is their driveway and will park at a green light in front of a bodega to get a loose cigarette.“

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ANDY COHEN

“He is a gray-haired pioneer who has single-handedly given us a whole chapter of pop culture that MTV used to service. And he’s given women a platform to be themselves, for better or for worse. Andy Cohen is the white Steve Harvey.”

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RAISING TWINS

“I don’t know why there isn’t a Marvel movie character about a hero who’s a mom raising twins because baby, it’s a wild world.”

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CHALLENGERS

“All I know is that Zendaya better get her coin.”

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HECKLERS

“I happen to love a fucking heckler. I don’t love that people want to do it, but if you’re going to do it, prepare to have your feelings hurt because I am a 46-year-old, highly therapized Black woman who has seen some shit.”

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LEOS

“We are natural -born leaders. If you get a good Leo, we are maternal. We want to lift everybody up and have them perform at their best. We stay around a little bit too long because we believe in you so much.”

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KATHY HILTON

“I almost want to get Kathy Hilton mixed up with somebody else like she did with Lizzo. But Kathy Hilton… I think once you figure out what island somebody’s on, then you just learn how to speak their language.“

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RESY

“I’m going to be honest: because I’m writing a show and I’ve got a special and now I’m rubbing it in, she’s very busy. So I’m down with Resy. I want to know what I’m walking into. I want to go somewhere and know that I have two or three or four seats, and that the hot apps are going to come out, or there’s a pre-fixe. But the thing is, you don’t need my credit card ahead of time. Why do you need all this information?“

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NEW JERSEY

“I love states in America that feel like whole ass countries and that’s what Jersey’s giving. As much as I try to fight it, she’s a Jersey girl.“

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