Alex Borstein on Divorce, Deep Dish Pizza, and Dating Comedians

Between Lois Griffin, Mad TV’s Ms. Swan, Dawn Forchette of Getting On, and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’s Susie Myerson, a performance for which she’s won two Emmy Awards, Alex Borstein has established herself as one of her generation’s most talented comedic actors. Some characters have aged better than others, she admits, but all are singular and outlandish, teeming with Borstein’s infectious spirit and oddball sensibility. As Maisel reaches the bittersweet end of its decorated five-season run, Borstein is now channeling perhaps her most complicated character yet—herself—in a characteristically zany comedy special called Corsets & Clown Suits. Opinionated and irreverent, she made a perfect subject for our Rorschach Test, in which she sounded off on a number of subjects near and dear to her, including but not limited to pizza (she’s from Chicago), divorce, Seth MacFarlane, awards shows, and Family Guy royalties.

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AWARD SHOWS

“They’re very unique, strange creatures. Everyone’s in character, whether they think so or not. And the strange thing about them is that the performers are also the audience, so you are swimming in a sea of performers. It’s a very, very strange phenomenon. I never attend them without a tiny bottle of whiskey in my purse.”

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WATCHING YOURSELF ON TV

“I never do it. I still have not seen The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and I have not seen Getting On full through. Laurie Metcalf and I kept saying we wanted to get together, have a bottle of wine, and watch it from beginning to end, and then COVID happened. If I watch my performance, I will immediately change what I’m doing.”

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BUCCAL FAT REMOVAL 

“I’m at a loss for words. That’s the spot you’re going to worry about? There’s so many other places you could pull fat from. And what happens if in two years, all the rage is to have a fattier buccal. Then you’re fucked.”

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MS. SWAN

“Ms. Swan is beloved in many ways to me, and is based on my grandmother. But it’s something that, in this landscape, I could never do and would not want to do. Comedy ages, and sometimes it does not age well. It’s like jeans. You pull them out and you realize this cut no longer makes more sense on my body. It doesn’t make sense to the fashion world. And that’s how I feel about Swan. Still, though, I hear from people all the time about Swan.”

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SERIES FINALES 

“I thought it would be easier, but it was just as devastating. It’s like knowing a loved one is ill; do you want them to be hit by a tram crossing the street? Sure.”

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DIVORCE

“Much like award shows, never in a million years did I think that I would be a divorced person. In my family, the only thing that separates you from your spouse is death, and even then, you’re still hooked. But so far, it’s working out. We’re all going to a movie Wednesday night together. We have a very sane, chill, easy time of it.”

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PSYCHOANALYSIS

“I’m the child of two therapists. What do they say, the shoemaker’s kids run barefoot? So I’m probably out of my fucking mind. But that’s okay. It makes for good art.”

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SHABBAT

“I’m really Jewish in the sense of being culturally and traditionally Jewish. I’m not someone who attends Temple all the time. Any of the dogma is lost on me. But I love some of the traditions and Shabbat is one of them. We light two candles, we say a little blessing over the challah and sip from wine, or grape juice for my kids. And it’s a time where you can just inhale deeply and take it all in and be thankful.”

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FAMILY GUY ROYALTIES 

“Thank you, that’s what I would say. Family Guy is one of the last shows on a network that provides residuals, really. None of the other work that I’ve done is anything I can continue to have any income from.”

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PORK

“I didn’t eat pork my entire life. It was one of the things that held over from going to Jewish day school. My dad kept kosher. And when I moved to Barcelona, I kind of had to throw it out the window, because everything is pork. They’d say, ‘Iberico.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, I’ll have that.’ And then I found out weeks later ‘Iberico’ is a type of ham.”

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SETH MACFARLANE

“He’s a loyal creature. He’s the first real life genius I ever encountered. You look in his eyes and it’s just infinite in all directions. He’s such a renaissance man. Any topic, he has something interesting to say about it. And if he doesn’t know about a topic yet and you enlighten him, he will remember every single thing that you said and then look into it further and come back and know more than you.”

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LAUGH TRACKS 

“In the old school sense of laugh tracks being used on television shows, I’m not a fan. Someone did a funny thing, I wish I could credit them appropriately. But they took Seinfeld episodes and they replaced the laugh tracks with music from Twin Peaks. It is the funniest thing you’ve ever seen.”

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SELF-DEPRECATION 

“I’m a huge fan of self-deprecation. And I think that term is incorrect and gives it a negative connotation. I prefer just honesty, and willingness to laugh at yourself. Pride is a very dangerous thing.”

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DATING COMEDIANS

“There’s a term for that, you’re called a chuckle fucker. I’ve never dated a comedian, though I’ve been with people who are actors and performers. I can’t imagine what it’s like to date me. It’s got to be a nightmare.”

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DEEP DISH PIZZA

“I love deep dish pizza. But look, it’s not an either/or thing. People who get like this make me crazy. I also love a thin slice of fucking New York pizza. But in Chicago, that deep dish pizza, it’s like a fucking meal. It’s a hug. It’s a warm bed on a rainy fucking afternoon. It’s a book. It’s a fire. It’s a glass of whiskey.”

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ROAD RAGE

“I’m going to admit, I get antsy behind the wheel. I prefer not to drive because I am a passionate lady.”

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NOTES APP APOLOGIES

“All I would say is, if you’re going to apologize, people need to see your face and hear your voice. I think tone and tension is everything. So to me, a written apology just doesn’t really fly.”

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MATRICIDE

“I feel very lucky that Stewie Griffin has not been successful in his intentions to take Lois out. But I will say, there’s something very Greek about it, and if a child has that much passion to want to take his mother out, there must be some kind of a deep connection. So in a weird, sick way, I love that Stewie wants to kill me.”

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WHAT-I-EAT-IN-A-DAY VIDEOS 

“People would be filled with shock and awe at what I eat in a day. But I don’t care what other people are eating. I think it’s fucking weird.”

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THE LIZZIE McGUIRE REBOOT 

“I heard they were doing that and I kept hearing from people like, ‘Are you going to be a part of it?’ And I was like, ‘On what fucking planet would that make sense? I was her chaperone on a trip when she was a child, and now she’s grown up and we’ve stayed in touch? What?’ But that was an amazing experience for me. It was one of the first films I’d ever done and I went to Rome with my mom. We ate everything and bought a hundred pairs of shoes and had to get a new duffel bag to bring all the shoes back.”

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SMOKING INDOORS

“Smoking indoors has always been disgusting to me, even when I was a smoker. And I was so into it. I would pack the cigarettes for 20 minutes while I talked to people. I liked unwrapping it. I’d put one upside down for luck. I loved all of it, but I never, ever smoked indoors.”

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DAVID BOWIE

“He’s just a fascinating, magical creature. A lot of his songs haunt me. And I was always so jealous of that marriage, him and Iman. I always wanted to be a fly on the wall and see what that was. It was like taking the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty and putting them together on top of a cake.”

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