Justin Theroux

In 2001, Justin Theroux popped up in David Lynch‘s weird, Hollywood-set hallucination Mulholland Drive, playing a self-important filmmaker caught in the powerful gnarls of the business. Like much of the movie, Theroux’s performance is a gleeful mix of after-school-special dramatics and surrealism, bending the world back on itself. Theroux’s slick-unto-the-point-of-seedy Adam Kesher thinks of himself as an artist, but functions more as a middleman in the fame factory. Within the movie, he acts simultaneously as an avatar for Lynch, and as a send-up of the archetypal Hollywood director. In retrospect, Kesher is also a somewhat prophetic portrait of Theroux’s own multifaceted career to come: as an A-list scriptwriter (of Tropic Thunder, 2008, with Ben Stiller and Etan Cohen; Iron Man 2, 2010; and Rock of Ages, 2012, with Chris D’Arienzo and Allan Loeb), director (of Dedication, 2007, starring Billy Crudup as a neurotic children’s book writer), and sleek (not seedy), style-conscious celebrity who has managed to navigate the upper echelons of the business while still maintaining his art cred.

At the time of its release, Theroux’s presence in Mulholland Drive was wholly in keeping with his unpredictable career. Up to that point, he had made mostly small, quirky, albeit memorable, appearances in movies and television, including those in Mary Harron’s films I Shot Andy Warhol (1996) and American Psycho (2000), a couple of turns on Sex and the City, and in the camp hits Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997) and Zoolander (2001). It is a wildly disparate bunch, seemingly linked only by the breadth of Theroux’s interests and abilities—or even what you might call a vision. Among these early works, Zoolander is perhaps emblematic in that it launched a lasting creative partnership with director/star Ben Stiller, whom he’d go on to collaborate with on Duplex (2003), Tropic Thunder, and the forthcoming Zoolander 2, which Theroux will direct. But if he has been long working at the fringes of stardom, Theroux has also been weaving himself into the process of filmmaking, establishing himself behind the camera as much as he has eschewed starring roles.

That is, until now. Beginning this month, the 42-year-old from D.C., who has clearly made peace with his tabloid fame on the arm of fiancée Jennifer Aniston, headlines a talented ensemble in Damon Lindelof‘s adaptation of Tom Perrotta’s novel The Leftovers, a series Lindelof co-created with Perrotta for HBO. Playing the father of two who, along with a number of others in a small suburb in New York, have survived a rapturesque depletion of the populace, Theroux’s character is a star turn and one that finally seems to put his myriad talents together. This past April, Theroux met another of his longtime friends and collaborators, the writer and comedian Amy Sedaris, at his favorite little café in downtown Manhattan to talk about embracing his new role and how he got there.

JUSTIN THEROUX: M’lady.

AMY SEDARIS: I’m going to have a double tall latte, something with two shots in it.

THEROUX: Double tall whaaa? I’m going to have a chamomile tea.

SEDARIS: Ooh. Lady of the house.

THEROUX: It should be noted that Amy is wearing a trench coat.

SEDARIS: [laughs] Justin is wearing a petite-sized T-shirt. I can’t believe you got me out of bed this afternoon to do this interview. I’m a very busy woman. Okay, I want you to bore me about your early life. Seriously, I’ve known you for at least 13 years and there are a lot of things I don’t know about you. What were you like as a child?

THEROUX: I think I was a pretty sunny kid. Is it snowing outside? Holy fuck.

SEDARIS: Is it? No, that’s just the trees. It’s called pollen. It comes off trees. First of all, how many brothers and sisters did you have?

THEROUX: There are six of us altogether, three from the same stag. There were really three of us growing up, and then three more once I was already an adult.

SEDARIS: Were you obsessed by anything in particular? I know you were big into animals when you were a child.

THEROUX: I loved my dogs, although we had horrible dog situations. We were always getting dogs, and then my mom would take them away. We’d joke that she would send them to the farm. But we always had dogs that would get away and bite someone. It was horrible.

SEDARIS: Were you a good student?

THEROUX: I wasn’t. I went to a Rudolf Steiner school—they’re awful. They’re still around, these experimental schools that started in the 1920s, no grades, no real classes. It was all knitting and beeswax-making—shit like that. Then after my parents got divorced, I had to go right into public school in the fourth grade. The Steiner school had never really taught me how to read, so it was a rude awakening. [laughs] I was playing catch-up the whole time.

SEDARIS: Why can’t Justin read?

THEROUX: It was a lot of that, getting up in front of the class and crying, crying, crying.

SEDARIS: Is that where your passion for stories and drawings came from?

THEROUX: I was pretty crafty from an early age.

SEDARIS: You did illustrations for both of my New York Times best sellers.

THEROUX: [laughs] Get your plug out. But, yes, if anything can be said for the Waldorf School, it really did encourage creativity. I guess if I had stayed in that school, they would’ve eventually taught me how to read and do math.

SEDARIS: It’s funny, because you’re such a writer now, and there are so many writers in your family.

THEROUX: I know, but I’m not like those guys. They’re real writers. They write books. If I had to write long-form stuff with descriptions of rooms, it would be so boring for me. I like writing dialogue and jokes and situational stuff.

SEDARIS: So when you left the crafty school, what happened? When did you get into acting?

THEROUX: I just went to a bunch of different schools. I was always acting. I was doing after-school plays and stuff like that. But I wasn’t doing well in any of the schools, so by ninth or tenth grade, I ended up going to a boarding school. D.C. is a hard city to grow up in. I couldn’t find my footing there. Also, I got a late start academically, and I was dyslexic.

SEDARIS: Who were your influences growing
up? Did you watch any TV shows or movies?

THEROUX: I devoured TV—everything from Super Friends in the morning to Dukes of Hazzard and The Love Boat and Fantasy Island at night. I watched it all. There were only four channels, so you could actually consume all of television if you were good at changing the channel.

SEDARIS: Did you watch The Brady Bunch?

THEROUX: Of course. They were from a broken home too. [laughs]

SEDARIS: We made fun of The Brady Bunch. We just thought they were so queer. We were like, “Oh God, we’re so glad our mom’s not like that

or our dad’s not like that.”

THEROUX: I remember seeing toy commercials, for Matchbox or RC cars, and there’d be these kids who had backyards with mounds of dirt and palm trees. I would be like, “What is this magical fucking place?” They’d come inside afterwards and mom’s in the kitchen with Sunny Delight. It’s like, “What paradise is this?” That was the first time I went to L.A.—not literally, but by projecting myself into the commercials. Then, after high school I went to Japan with a friend of mine. I got a job working for Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

SEDARIS: Are you kidding me?! Doing what?

THEROUX: We had a great bear act. [Sedaris laughs] No, it was just a managerial job, making and selling snow cones.

SEDARIS: Oh my God. Do you speak any Japanese?

THEROUX: No.

SEDARIS: Were you influenced by any Japanese art?

THEROUX: I’ve always loved anime and stuff like that, but, no, I was just looking for a summer job to help pay for school in the fall. At the time, you could make a lot of money if you could get yourself to Japan. The yen was really strong.

SEDARIS: We have that in common—saving money. We like to hide money. But you’ve always been generous with your money, whether you had it or not. So it must be nice to be able to help out people.

THEROUX: It’s important to me.

SEDARIS: When did you decide, “I’m going to live in New York City and I’m going to become an actor.”

THEROUX: I actually saw—I forget what movie it was—but then it was like, “Oh, man, I have got to go to New York.”

SEDARIS: Was it Manhattan [1979]?

THEROUX: No, I think it was probably Flashdance [1983], which I later found out was actually set in Pittsburgh. [Sedaris laughs] I just saw big lofts and raw spaces and I was like, “Fuck! That would be amazing to live there.” But I always had it in my head that New York was where I wanted to go. I don’t know why. I started coming here in my teen years. In school, I would sometimes come here on my vacations.

SEDARIS: Didn’t you go to school in Vermont?

THEROUX: I went to Bennington College, yeah. 

SEDARIS: What did you major in?

THEROUX: Drama and visual arts, and a minor in languages.

SEDARIS: And then you came here and your first acting job in a movie was I Shot Andy Warhol.

THEROUX: I couldn’t really believe it. I wasn’t really nervous, but I remember thinking, “This is forever. This is going onto film.” I had only done plays up until that point, and the great thing about theater is, when it’s up, it’s up, when it’s down it’s down. People remember it, but there’s no real record of it. Right after that I got Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.

SEDARIS: That was fun. It’s good that you didn’t know if you wanted to do drama or comedy.

THEROUX: I always did, like, a mix. I didn’t have a lot of ambition, which I think was a good thing. I mean, I was ambitious about quality, but I wasn’t ambitious in the “I’ve got to get a pilot!” way. I never went out to L.A. for pilot season. Maybe I should’ve been more ambitious, but it just didn’t make me happy. I did a TV show [The District] for a while and I was miserable.

SEDARIS: You hated that. You got out of it, though. And now here you are doing another TV show. I know I’m jumping a bit—I want to talk to you about Carlo Honklin [Theroux’s character in the 2005 film, which starred Sedaris] from Strangers With Candy.

THEROUX: [laughs] Strangers With Candy: available on DVD.

SEDARIS: Our secret was that you had a really big dick and you didn’t know what to do with it.

THEROUX: [laughs] He was a driver’s ed teacher who had, like, a huge …

SEDARIS: Huge.

THEROUX: This is terrible. He always had lots of cell phones and beepers and a terrible haircut with no sideburns. [Sedaris laughs] But no girlfriend.

SEDARIS: That poor thing. And you did Sex and the City, which was great. And then you came to set when I did Sex and the City.

THEROUX: That was so much fun. I love that show.

SEDARIS: So, now, The Leftovers landed in your lap—Tom Perrotta’s novel.

THEROUX: Damon [Lindelof, creator] called and I met him and [executive producer] Peter Berg. I got the script and it was just so fucking good. Damon’s such a good writer. My main concerns were like, “Will this remain interesting for a couple seasons?” It’s such a difficult show to talk about. I play a cop.

SEDARIS: I know you’ve gotten into screenwriting, with Tropic Thunder and Iron Man 2. But, man, to see you act again—you’re so good. And you know how I want to play a cop. I’m so jealous.

THEROUX: [laughs] You’re dying to play a cop.

SEDARIS: You cry in this show.

THEROUX: Oh, I cry. [laughs]

SEDARIS: And still I want to laugh at you because I know you. I just like the fact that you’re doing this show. It just seems like it fell in your lap and you said, “Yes.” That’s how I do things.

THEROUX: It is how you do stuff. You’ll write a book and then you’ll write a play and then you’ll do a TV show, then you’ll do an animated thing. I always feel like whenever you try and plan your future, it always fucks you.

SEDARIS: It does! And then there are the people who just do it. They go to school, get straight A’s, get married, have kids, and they’re, like, grown-ups when they’re 30.

THEROUX: They’re stressed out usually. I always try to do the most interesting, fun thing for me. Because if I’m not engaged or interested …

SEDARIS: A wall goes up. We’re the same.

THEROUX: A fucking wall goes up. I get so bored.

SEDARIS: You have a very active imagination. I remember when I was sleeping on the phone with you. I was like, “Justin, it’s 4 a.m.” [Theroux laughs] And we’d just be riffing, making up rhymes, trying to top each other.

THEROUX: It should be noted that Amy and I have a club—lots of clubs.

SEDARIS: Oh, we’ve had many clubs. Or I would form clubs and not invite you, but you’d get past my doorman and next thing I know, you’re in my apartment.

THEROUX: You used to have a Crafty Beavers Club, which was for women.

SEDARIS: And you did the logo of a high-heeled … Truth is, we wanted to get high and you don’t get high.

THEROUX: I don’t get high.

SEDARIS: All you did was make fun of people that got high.

THEROUX: [laughs] I know.

SEDARIS: So I was like, “Then you’re not allowed to come to this club.” Because you didn’t drink, you didn’t get high. Nothing.

THEROUX: Talk about peer pressure! You don’t get high. You can’t be in our club. The best part was that I could always get by your doorman, and it used to drive you crazy. You were like, “That’s just not safe if you can get past my doorman.”

SEDARIS: But you always did.

THEROUX: I’d come in with, like, grocery bags, looking at my watch, pretending that I lived there or was staying there. He’d always just nod at me like, “Oh yeah.”

SEDARIS: I had to call down there. “The guy with black hair who tries to get in—do not let him up.” Ding-dong! “Goddammit.” I was at C.O. Bigelow last week, and the woman at the cosmetics department there, Ceci, said to say, “Hi.” We were talking about the time that you did my makeup at the counter there.

THEROUX: That was one of the funniest days. Were you stoned? I wasn’t stoned.

SEDARIS: I wasn’t stoned. No. Never. You did my makeup, but I wasn’t allowed to look at it until I got home.

THEROUX: The challenge was that I had to do as good a job as I could do. And you looked like an alcoholic by the end of it.

SEDARIS: [laughs] My hair looked like it was tossed on my head from, like, five feet away.

THEROUX: You had, like, terrible black lines under your eyes. God, it was so fucking funny.

SEDARIS: You have an apartment here still. But what do you like about L.A., about living there?

THEROUX: I like all the clichés. I mean, I love someone who lives in Los Angeles—so that’s a big draw. But I love the weather. It does feel like a slightly healthier lifestyle, being able to hike and do all that crap.

SEDARIS: Is it harder to be spontaneous there?

THEROUX: That’s the virtue of New York. In New York, you can bump into someone on the street and go to a thing, go get coffee real quick. You can get stuff done in New York that you can’t in Los Angeles. If you wanted to get some milk and get your shoes repaired and drop something off at the dry cleaner, that’s an all-day adventure in Los Angeles. In New York, you can bang that out in half an hour.

SEDARIS: And now with paparazzi being so aggressive, you can’t lie anymore. You’ll say, “Oh, I’m going to be in L.A., Amy, we can’t get together.” And then I can open the newspaper and there you are in white jeans, in the city. You liar!

THEROUX: [laughs] You can’t lie anymore. It’s like having your own personal drone.

SEDARIS: I can’t even imagine that. But it must be nice when you are in New York?

THEROUX: I love New York. Right now, it’s kind of perfect. I’m in New York part of the time and in L.A. part of the time. That’s always been a goal, to be bicoastal in a real way. The show is on a limited schedule. It’s not like a network show, where they nail your foot to the floor for the entire year. I’m writing during my long hiatuses and developing other stuff. It’s a perfect fit. For someone who is scatterbrained like me, it’s nice. And the show is a nice break from writing, too, to be honest. Writing is fucking hard, as you know. So, to let someone else be doing all the writing—it’s such a luxury to get handed beautiful pages with wonderful scenes.

SEDARIS: You used to write me a lot of fake letters—pages and pages of complaints. [Theroux laughs] Or I would send you something and you would just go off on it. Like, “Don’t you have anything better to do, Justin, than send me these fake letters?” Everyday. All right, I have these questions that don’t have to do with anything. Do you enjoy being barefoot?

THEROUX: No.

SEDARIS: Do you occasionally, or more often, sleep in the nude?

THEROUX: Always.

SEDARIS: When alone indoors, have you ever worked or studied in the nude?

THEROUX: Ew, no! Worked in the nude? [laughs] Like, made furniture?

SEDARIS: [laughs] Have you swum in the nude?

THEROUX: Yes, I have, but I don’t like doing it.

SEDARIS: You like to tan.

THEROUX: I do like to tan. You’re a tanner.

SEDARIS: I’m a tanner. But you’re really into your regime—your creams and lotions. Is there any trick of the trade? You do have that Italian blood in you.

THEROUX: I kind of like the feeling of a light burn. But there’s this stuff called Retinolo that actually Jen turned me on to. It’s just like a body cream, but I think they’re going to stop making it. I hate when people make a really good product and then stop making it. I get annoyed. That place Aedes [de Venustus, the West Village fragrance, candle, and bath and body boutique] has great candles. They get you hooked on it, and then they’re gone. But I guess it forces change, which is good.

SEDARIS: Change is good. This is such a juvenile question: Is there anything that really annoys you besides pot smokers?

THEROUX: Besides pot smokers?

SEDARIS: I have a list on my computer of what really annoys me: oversized backpacks …

THEROUX: Sandals really bum me out. I don’t want to see feet. A strapless shoe can look sexy on a girl, but anything that exposes a man’s feet is … Also sweatpants are disgusting. Slow walkers I don’t like.

SEDARIS: What really fuels your creativity?

THEROUX: You.

SEDARIS: Do you ride your motorcycle in L.A.?

THEROUX: I ride it everywhere.

SEDARIS: Have you gone on any long motorcycle trips recently?

THEROUX: I’m planning one now. I’m trying to think of where I want to go next.

SEDARIS: Are you reading anything right now?

THEROUX: Nope. Actually, I’m reading a lot of my scripts. When I’m working on something, it’s hard to find time. You’re always prepping new material. You don’t want to be buried in a book. It splits your focus a little bit.

SEDARIS: You’ve always had style, since I met you—your little T-shirts, suspenders, and your cricket pants.

THEROUX: [laughs] Cricket pants?

SEDARIS: Is there anything that you used to do, style-wise, that you look back on now and think, “Oh my God, I can’t believe that I did that”?

THEROUX: I’ve always been pretty happy with my style. I’ve been wearing tapered jeans since 1980 something. In the ’90s, there was a big bell-bottom craze. Everyone was wearing grungy bell-bottoms. It was so repugnant to me. I had such a distaste for ’70s clothing. So, the ’90s were a rough period for me because I got made fun of for wearing what they used to call “pegged pants.” Now they call them “skinny jeans.” I think that came out of the music scene I was in. I’ve always liked boots. I always think it’s better to wear a boot, not a shoe.

SEDARIS: And your tattoos. When was the last time you got a tattoo?

THEROUX: I got an 11 on my wrist. I just like 11s.

SEDARIS: What do you bench? You obviously work out. What’s your routine?

THEROUX: I like to work out in the afternoon, around three or four. I just don’t like to wake up and sweat. I’d rather have a cup of coffee. In New York I used to just be more active. I’d always ride my bike everywhere or skateboard everywhere, walk, whatever. Then I started going to the gym. You and I started going to the gym at the same time.

SEDARIS: And then you left. That was when you’d make me eat cod liver oil. We’d call each other at 8 a.m. and both take a tablespoon. I did it once.

THEROUX: That was the worst. Now they make one that’s lemon flavored. They take all the stink out of it, so you don’t taste it. You should take it. It’s called Carlson something.

SEDARIS: Do you enjoy thunderstorms?

THEROUX: Love them. What a psychological evaluation.

SEDARIS: What is the first quote that comes to your mind? Mine is: “It’s easier to apologize than to ask for permission.”

THEROUX: Oh, I like that quote. That’s a good one. I’ll take that one too.

SEDARIS: What animal best describes the kind of girl you’d be interested in? Reptile? You do live in Los Angeles. Kitten? A bunny?

THEROUX: Bunnies are nice.

SEDARIS: What do you miss about your childhood? Because you’ve had some real tragedy in your childhood.

THEROUX: [laughs] Here we are talking about bunnies …

SEDARIS: No, I think that’s what drew me to you. We met through Phil [Seymour] Hoffman, right? I first met you at his apartment. And we clicked.

THEROUX: We met at Marion’s [a restaurant and bar on the Bowery, since closed] when you were waiting tables and where Phil and I would hang out after the play we were in together.

SEDARIS: Oh, right. But we’ve hung out a ton. And we became pretty inseparable.

THEROUX: It’s a weird thing. I don’t miss much about my childhood. I lived in a good neighborhood, a wacky neighborhood. It was a very boy-heavy neighborhood—kind of Lord of the Flies-y. So many weird things happened, funny things.

SEDARIS: What hour of the day do you function best?

THEROUX: Morning. If it’s writing, morning. I’m not waking up at 6 a.m. with the roosters to fucking write, but I like to ease to out of bed around 9 and be in front of my desk at 10 and writing.

SEDARIS: What is the main fault in your character?

THEROUX: My level of stress. I don’t think I come off as stressed, but I can stress myself out.

SEDARIS: You’ve got high energy. What was your favorite subject in school?

THEROUX: Art. [laughs]

SEDARIS: What in the world do you least desire?

THEROUX: Cancer. No, I don’t know.

SEDARIS: Do you have a favorite historical figure? I loved you in John Adams [2008], when you played John Hancock.

THEROUX: I had a powdered wig on. The fun part about making John Adams was actually doing the bits between the takes because Paul Giamatti is so fucking funny. We were on these elaborate sets with these dumb wigs and we would just make each other crack up pretending to do other plays. He had these gloves and he would slap them in his hand and go, “You may depend upon it!” [laughs] “Good day, sir! I said good day!” As if that’s the meanest thing you could possibly say to someone.

SEDARIS: Finish this sentence: Happiness is a thing called—

THEROUX: My dogs.

SEDARIS: You love your dogs.

THEROUX: And my lady, of course.

SEDARIS: All right, those are all my questions.

THEROUX: All right, I have some questions for you. Bonus round.

SEDARIS: I’m so embarrassed already. Look at those forms!

THEROUX: I have three questionnaires that I printed from the Internet. One is a Cosmopolitan quiz called “What Kind of Female Are You?”

SEDARIS: Assuming I’m a female. Okay.

THEROUX: One is a “Firearms Transaction Record,” which is part of a background check.

SEDARIS: Ooh. Have you ever fired a real gun?

THEROUX: Yes, I have. This is “Do You Know When a Guy Is Into You?” And then I have a “Delirium, Depression, and Dementia” quiz.

SEDARIS: Oh, shit. Oh, Justin. Oh my God.

THEROUX: I’m not going to tell you which questionnaire it’s coming from but don’t look. Choose one: “I never particularly liked dating around.” “I believe I can achieve any goal I put my mind to.” “On average, I go out to a club, bar, or house party at least three times a week.”

SEDARIS: [laughs] Well, the first one.

THEROUX: You never liked dating around. Choose one: “I’ve fantasized about my ideal, fairy-tale wedding.” “I could see myself as the CEO of a company one day.”

SEDARIS: Absolutely. Banana yellow dress.

THEROUX: [laughs] “I’m not looking for a serious relation …” This makes no sense.

SEDARIS: C. I’m not looking for a serious relationship.

THEROUX: Really?

SEDARIS: Me? No.

THEROUX: C’mon.

SEDARIS: I like being by myself.

THEROUX: You’re such a catch! True or false: “Delirium is often reversible with treatment.”

SEDARIS: Is that true? Do you know?

THEROUX: I don’t know the answers to any of them.

SEDARIS: Maybe one needs to look up the word delirium.

THEROUX: “Dementia has a slow, chronic progression.”

SEDARIS: Probably true. [laughs] I love your questions!

THEROUX: “Have you ever renounced your United States citizenship?”

SEDARIS: No.

THEROUX: This is from the firearms one, “Have you been discharged from the Armed Forces for a dishonorable condition?”

SEDARIS: [laughs] Yes. Twice.

THEROUX: Okay, now be honest: “Are you an unlawful user or addicted to marijuana or any depressant, stimulant, narcotic drug, or any other controlled substance?”

SEDARIS: I do like marijuana.

THEROUX: “Are you a fugitive from justice?”

SEDARIS: Yes.

THEROUX: [laughs] I’m learning so much!

SEDARIS: They’d still give me a gun.

THEROUX: “Have you ever been convicted in any court for a felony?”

SEDARIS: No.

THEROUX: Any crime?

SEDARIS: No.

THEROUX: Shoplifting?

SEDARIS: Yeah, I did shoplift but I didn’t get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy. Who was your favorite writer?

THEROUX: I love Edgar Allan Poe.

SEDARIS: That’s right. And Oscar Wilde.

THEROUX: And Oscar Wilde, I love.

SEDARIS: Did you ever shoplift?

THEROUX: No. Oh, I did once. I got caught.

SEDARIS: What’d you steal?

THEROUX: I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That’s my least favorite feeling: guilt. Guilt and shame.

SEDARIS: Have you ever been starstruck by anybody? Since you meet so many famous people. Is there anyone you’d like to meet or haven’t met?

THEROUX: Not really. When people are really talented, I get starstruck, but not like starstruck. When I was a kid, I got knocked down in an airport by Gavin MacLeod from The Love Boat. True story. He was rushing for an airplane and knocked me over. I was really little, and of course, I was a huge Love Boat fan. I remember that it kind of fucked with my reality a little bit. I didn’t like it. He leaned down and pulled me up and was like, “Are you okay?” I was like, “Holy shit!”

SEDARIS: Touched by an angel.

THEROUX: [laughs] Touched by an angel.

SEDARIS: Are you working on anything else other than this HBO show right now?

THEROUX: I’m working on a bunch of scripts. Zoolander 2—we’re prepping that script, which is exciting. And then a couple TV things that I’m working on.

SEDARIS: [laughs] I’m surprised we never worked on anything. We had a lot of good ideas.

THEROUX: We could do a two-man show. We worked on Strangers. I know my part was small.

SEDARIS: No, I mean a project.

THEROUX: Oh, a project. Let’s do a book.

SEDARIS: You could illustrate it.

THEROUX: What’s your next book?

SEDARIS: I want to do a book on women’s period underpants.

THEROUX: [laughs] To read when they have their period or, like, Victorian underpants?

SEDARIS: I want it to be a picture book—illustrations of girls’ underpants. The proceeds would go to Planned Parenthood and their clinics.

THEROUX: Oh God!

SEDARIS: [laughs] All right, I guess that’s—

THEROUX: Yeah, we should end on period pants.

AMY SEDARIS IS A NEW YORK-BASED ACTRESS, AUTHOR, AND COMEDIAN.